happiness, struggle, an faith

As I sit here I am filled with many different feelings and thoughts. My heart is happy and hurting at the same time.

Happy Why? (other than the obvious- I am saved and blessed beyond what I deserve) I spent the entire day with a very good friend/my pastors wife Jennifer (great name I know LOL). We took our girls out for a fun day. She is such a blessing and I am so thankful God placed me and my family at Breakthrough. It is so wonderful to spend the day with someone that believes, thinks, and feels the same as you.
I am also so thankful for my husband. It has been 4 months since his motorcycle accident that should have taken him from us. Praise to our Heavenly Father that he has more plans for him here on earth and protected him. He is such a wonderful man. I feel that I don't let/show him how much I love him daily. He is such a wonderful father also. God had blessed me greatly!

So to my husband: I am so blessed to have a God loving and fearing man that loves me with all that he is. A man that loves his children and strives to teach them and love them the best he knows how. A man that loves his family and church. A man that I know will love me completely no matter how crazy I become :) LOL Scott, I love you much more than words can ever explain! Thank you Lord for creating this amazing man to be my partner here on this earth.

Struggle: I wear my heart on my sleeve... I wish I didn't, but I also know that God made me that way for a reason and I must pray that I do as he would have me to. When it comes to my kids I am the worst. Me or someone in my family or closest friends getting upset with them or having a problem with them is one thing... I don't take it personally or really get that upset about it. I know they love me and my kids and are only correcting them because of their love for them. I have a hard time "cutting the cord" I guess you could say. I want to protect my kids. I know first hand, being a teacher, that the world is cruel and terrible. The joy and goodness is few and far between. I know that children will only learn from experience. My heart is so heavy for my son. I know that he must "get more tuff" to survive in this cruel world. But the mom in me wants to handle every difficult situation for him. I know that I can't, but when he hurts I hurt! And this past week he has been hurting and I am so broken over it.

Sometimes I get so upset with my kids and I know that I have set a very high standard for my kids to follow. I also know that when my kids are not with me that they are so far from perfect and make many mistakes just as I do daily. Hubby and I do our best to teach our children about the "real world" that they must learn how to live in it while being a christian. We make sure they see it is difficult, but that God has a plan for each of us and we must trust in that. This is when our faith is tested. I have to say faith is an area I am focusing on improving in my life.

It is funny how my son, Big T, is so much like me and my daughter, TG, is so much like her dad. However both kids are extremely sensitive. Problem is one is a boy and one is a girl. The world doesn't accept a sensitive male once they are past the age of 5! Big T was saved this past summer and I have seen a big change in him. My struggle is he takes everything so personally (sound like anyone you know.... he is just like me bless his heart!) Now don't get me wrong he is a true boy and can test you to no end, but what kid cant'! He wants so badly for everyone around him to get along. He has a big heart and just gives all he is. He just struggles with how to address for lack of a better word hypocrites. Many of you are thinking what??? well you would be amazed at the amount of children that are hypocrites! I know this first had dealing with them more than I get to see my own children during the week. The saying kids are different away from their parents is completely true. I ,along with I feel every other parent in the world, pray that their children are better for others than they are for them. Many times that is the case. BUT not always. This world has so much influence on our kids. Even when they know beyond a doubt what they are saying or doing is wrong they do it anyway. Big T is guilty..... and has to face the consequences for it.... but he is really struggling about how to deal with it when it comes to others and the way the act or treat him. He has always been extremely sociable. But as he is getting older, he just doesn't understand why kids are friends with then all the sudden you are a total enemy.....etc... My prayer is that hubby and I are examples of how to persevere and lean on God.

Well I have rambled about things that are only important to me long enough. Please pray that my family and I will learn and trust in God to teach us through every difficult situation that arises in our lives.